Would You Do Me a Favour? Stop Asking Me "What About Hong Kong?"
Video I made in 2018
I was born and raised in Hong Kong. I only left for Canada when I was 16. But ever since, I moved around from city to city and country to country quite a lot. I don't have particularly good memory. I was not and still am not particularly good at maintaining any kinds of relationships that I had in Hong Kong other than my parents. I was not interested in politics until the last few years. As a result, I REALLY DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE PRESENT HONG KONG. So this is the short summary for those of you who assume that I do and for the even fewer of you who get frustrated about why I don't. Continue reading if you want some concrete examples and to know how to treat people who might be quite different from you. This article is not (only) a rant. I sometimes makes the same mistakes too, but the idea is to treat others how you want to be treated. I want to respect other expats the way I want to be treated too.
Outside of Hong Kong, I've spent most of my time in North America and Japan. They are both very culturally diverse but there's a huge difference in how people show interest in others' backgrounds. I believe that most people have good intention and they care about other people's past. However, the problem is that (I am generalizing here) Japanese people tend to assume that others are still their past. In addition, they are blind-sighted by the homogeneity of their country, which, unbeknownst to them, is not common. No matter what the topic is, they can easily turn it into a "what about in Hong Kong" question out of the blue. It's one of their golden conversation starters. Here are some examples of the questions I get.
"Do Hong Kong people watch the Olympic?" asked by a share-mate where we were just watching the Olympic together the other night.
"Can Hong Kong people drink a lot?"
"Can Hong Kong people eat spicy food?"
"Do Hong Kong people do [a sport]?" gets asked basically whenever I'm doing a sport.
"Do Hong Kong people also do X?" when Japanese people what to know if their customs are also reciprocated elsewhere.
And here's one of the most ridiculous (and quite funny frankly) one:
"Do Hong Kong people eat natto (fermented soybeans) too?"
I am quite speechless most of the time because I simple don't know the answers. I feel the pressure of suddenly becoming the representative of Hong Kong. Frankly, if you ask me about more generic facts or history, I can probably come up with something, but I really have no idea what people do nowadays or the latest trends in Hong Kong anymore. Occasionally, I get annoyed when people genuinely asked "a dumb question." This is not just me talking but Japan is quite a homogenous country and there's a historical reason which I'm not going to get into now. Consequently, (I'm generalizing again) Japanese people are more likely to assume the same level of homogeneity in other places around the world. After all, it's one level of assumption to think that a country has a national sport but it's a whole new other level to ask if a city has an overall tendency to eat natto, which is not even a local food.
Obviously, not every expat is like me. I know expats who are very passionate about their cultures. They will spell out "In [their home country], we do blah blah..." before you even ask. Honestly, I sometimes wish I knew that much about Hong Kong and could have more pride in being a Hong Kongese. On the other hand, there are expats who are reluctant to talk about their home countries. After all, there is a reason why they left. I would say I am somewhere in-between. I love my memory of Hong Kong but am simply not that interested in whatever business it is having right now anymore. If you and I meet, I'm very happy to just move on after telling you where I'm from. You really don't have to acknowledge the political difficulties or the good food. I know all of that but sorry, that's just not where my focus is at the moment. Let's just get back to whatever what we're supposed to do.
If people are so different and the past can be a delicate subject, how can you show your interest in other people's past without risking to annoy, upset or offend them? This is the approach that I (try to) take.
#1: Think before you ask. Don't just ask a question for the sake of a conversation. Asking a dumb question is worse than utter silence.
#2: Test the water and observe the reactions
#3: Tell them your answer first so they know what you expect. It also makes it easier for them to simply say "I don't know" if they don't have the answer.
Are you an expat? If you are, I'm curious to know if you have similar experience and feel the same way that I do. And this is for everyone: try not to assume that people are still their past.
P.S. If you are my friend and genuinely interested to know the way I love Hong Kong, watch the video at the top. I filmed it when I spent the Christmas back home in 2018. That is the first and only Christmas I spent at home ever since I left at 16.
Ok, take two! I left a message already last week but apparently your blog decided it wasn't worth showing :P
ReplyDeleteI think you're going through what all foreigners go through in Japan. It's something weird that only people who have lived in Japan for a while can understand. It bothers some people more than others, but eventually everybody gets fed up with it. Most Japanese people tend to think of themselves as a homogenous block, and assume that most foreigners are the same. Although most of the times they have no ill intent, being constantly "other-ed" is annoying when you've lived there for years. It made me go through 3 phases:
1) I'm so special, everybody look at me!
This was my first year and part of my second year in Japan. I was always the center of the attention, everybody wanted a piece of me. It felt good to be special, it was all about me. Then something changed.
2) I've heard that one before...
Then you start having the same, exact conversation every day and it gets annoying. You start realizing people around you don't see you for who you are, but as some kind of archetype of your nationality, look and age. This is probably not only a Japanese thing, it's just evident when you're there. I started acting rude to people, being annoyed at their stupidity. I hated being treated as a foreigner, living in the "bubble". I wanted them to took me seriously.
3) Acceptance
It took me years to realize that what's out there after bursting the bubble is far from gold. I was looking for something deeper that wasn't there. Japanese people weren't taking me less seriously than others. The average conversation happening between them was not that much different, just a series of harmless blocks put together to form a patter for basic, communication. You always say the food is good, you always compliment people even if you don't believe it. You ask foreigners about their culture and show interest.
Although some things bothered me, I focused on the intent. Those people, most of the times, just wanted to know more about me. They would say some offensive crap sometimes, they would ask me absurd questions I was asked hundreds of times before (can you eat octopus? Bitch, WE INVENTED IT!), but I focused on the intent. It stopped bothering me, because the alternative was to become and act fully Japanese, and who would want that?
I left Japan for various reasons, but I miss that a little. Having the owner of an Izakaya asking weird things about me and the rest of the world, making me, even if only for a couple of hours, the official representative of gaikoku. Hilarious, ridiculous, but better than being ignored as "just another dude".
I would say that now 1 & 2 happen almost at the same time. It's good that you are given special treatments (for very practical reasons!) but at the same time knowing that it's not for the reasons that you'd like.
DeleteTo 3, I know! I'm already at this stage. I love everything non-human-related stuff of Japan. The quality of life, food, nature and the kinds of things you can do is really top notch. For me to live happily in Japan, I just need a handful of close gaijin friends and some Japanese acquaintances. However, it's still really hard for me to imagine that I will want to settle in a country that I will never belong to, and that I will never have enough motivation to even learn the language because the effort to reward ratio is too low.